once it has been written, its fiction, and has nothing to do with you, your life, your thoughts, your reasons.

i feel like i have been possessed - but i am not sure, if it was back then, or was it now. i feel the need to crawl on someones lap and purr. not literally. maybe literally. it scares me how much i want to surrender, because i know i am not that kind of person, i cant do that, i'll go nuts like that, thats for sure. but i want something, i want to play, but i dont like this game - because i feel rejected, i feel lonely, and abandoned. i feel like i want to belong. i always say the same things to explain myself - everyone needs a place. its not deep and complicated, but i didnt came to this on my own - i read it in the poetry book called crush by richard siken. it goes like everyone needs a place, it shouldnt be inside of someone else. if a thought like that is a sin, then i sinned, but do i say sorry, if i dont meant it. thats what sinners do. and i just want a place.

what i need. what i want.
a collar.
to behave.
new pack of hairdye