i feel like i have been possessed - but i am not sure, if it was back then, or was it now. i feel the need to crawl on someones lap and purr. not literally. maybe literally. it scares me how much i want to surrender, because i know i am not that kind of person, i cant do that, i'll go nuts like that, thats for sure. but i want something, i want to play, but i dont like this game - because i feel rejected, i feel lonely, and abandoned. i feel like i want to belong. i always say the same things to explain myself - everyone needs a place. its not deep and complicated, but i didnt came to this on my own - i read it in the poetry book called crush by richard siken. it goes like everyone needs a place, it shouldnt be inside of someone else. if a thought like that is a sin, then i sinned, but do i say sorry, if i dont meant it. thats what sinners do. and i just want a place.

what i need. what i want.
a collar.
to behave.
new pack of hairdye

its kinda funny and sad how she said i need to take hormones if i wanna get pregnant but here i am just melting and overflowing like i took an extasy, like i am close friends with molly, all needy and miserable, so all over the place, but also sneezing loudly. why i am such a mess. why i am such a lonely mess. dont know. these days i feel like i am a walking illustration for an article from some typical magazine, with this symptom of a woman who needs to be dicked down even tho she is problematic and dont like dicks. i also want cuddles. i feel soft and pliant, but also my ear kinda hurts, and i feel like i should’ve wear some turtle neck, because i have a cold, and this sucks. what do i do. how do people deal with this. how i dealt with this before? was i so needy? like, i had my ups and downs, but was i really.

i got kneehights. they are tight, black, with this kinda material on top of it, that looks like lace, they are nice and soft, and contrasting on my pale skin. its just a thing i like, but never had a nerve to actually buy, even though its not something that extra - for some people its just some socks whatsoever, but for me its kink, fetish, a massive turn-on call it whichever way you want.

i graduate this week. gotta pull a babydoll look because i am that fucked up.

графическая сетевая энца поломала мне жизнь, серьезно, где и как я могу воплотить pastel jk тэг, только вместо pastel пусть будет черный.

я бледная, мне в черном хорошо.

сетевая графическая энца занимает в моём сердце отдельное место