its kinda funny and sad how she said i need to take hormones if i wanna get pregnant but here i am just melting and overflowing like i took an extasy, like i am close friends with molly, all needy and miserable, so all over the place, but also sneezing loudly. why i am such a mess. why i am such a lonely mess. dont know. these days i feel like i am a walking illustration for an article from some typical magazine, with this symptom of a woman who needs to be dicked down even tho she is problematic and dont like dicks. i also want cuddles. i feel soft and pliant, but also my ear kinda hurts, and i feel like i should’ve wear some turtle neck, because i have a cold, and this sucks. what do i do. how do people deal with this. how i dealt with this before? was i so needy? like, i had my ups and downs, but was i really.

i got kneehights. they are tight, black, with this kinda material on top of it, that looks like lace, they are nice and soft, and contrasting on my pale skin. its just a thing i like, but never had a nerve to actually buy, even though its not something that extra - for some people its just some socks whatsoever, but for me its kink, fetish, a massive turn-on call it whichever way you want.

i graduate this week. gotta pull a babydoll look because i am that fucked up.

i am needy. i want something to call my own. i am angry. i wanted to burn the building down. still want to. i think i could, if they were the only people there, the only creatures there, an no other living thing would be harmed, but there are houses near, and birds under the roof. it hurts. but thats just words, right. its just its not the first time in my life, and i am affected by it, dont want to be, but still am, also, i still dont know what i should do? do i fight? or do i just let it be, let them wistle, let them bark.